So, like, um... they're all better than us, remember? That's why we love to see them bent over in the corner of a Tenessee county jail taking spoon dips in round robin form from the other inmates. It makes us happy.
But there are celebrities amongst us who never do time in jail, and not because they have money, though they always have money. These people are call politicians. It's the schoolyard of popularity for the country, and when the teachers show up, the kids are always let go due to influential parents.
So, in New York, this very hour, the oldest, crustiest, and most sexually perverted of us all are standing in sweaty communion amongst the yammering heads of the Broadway mackeral snappers. I for one welcome our methuselah, dusty farting, wankel rotary engining overlords, and greet them by saying, "I am your friend, filthies!"
They're all rich, you can be sure. It is their position that affords them a seat at the sludgey trough of public money. I so want to nestle myself amongst them. They've turned the Web into a shopping network, sold my dreams to pay for weaping sores and a mustard plasters. I should join them.