Gism Butter

Thu, 24 Jun 2004

Short Rant on Piracy

Companies are very concerned about people stealing their things. They pay short, dumpy white ladies to wander around the toy aisles in Wal-Mart busting skinny blond chicks for stuffing $300.00 worth of makeup into their overstuffed slinky purses. Hollywood hires Macrovision to put 6 red dots in the middle of the movie. The United States sends thousands of troops to the middle east in order to depleat their oil reserves first, leaving them a happy dancing gas guzzling economy when the rest of the world has to come to them in 100 years.

But I digress...

Piracy will always hit a happy medium. No matter how hard it is to break that copyprotection, it will be broken. No matter how often those dots come up on the screen, the movie will still be on the Internet. No matter how often the dumpy theft-clerk confronts the skinny blond chick outside the store, the makeup will always be taken.

Does it look like Wal-Mart is starving? Doubtful. Is that skinny white blond chick starving? Of her own accord. But she's gonna go to Hollywood and become a super model without that expensive makeup? Probably not. With the help of her five fingered discount, and her utter lack of morals (brought on by years of suckling the nipple of television), she will get to that reality TV show. She will get her big chance. She will have an opportunity to become all that she's ever wanted to be.

Wal-Mart can only make her feel ultra guilty. The cyclical nature of reality can make her eat her own shit on live television when the entire country sees her vomit on Leona Helmsley while reaching for the next rotten crab in the long row towards the year-old cottage cheese with a key buried in it.

So, we've all been looking up into space. Cause that's where "they" are, right? What if "they" are somewhere below? If you look at the atomic structure, the distances between individual physical masses is incredibly vast. The force that holds an atom together is weaker than the force that keeps it from collapsing in on itself. If you push on the universe, it pushes back very hard. There's obviously something very complex going on down there, and the size-to-distance ratio offers much more room for exploration in our life-times.

Look, we pretty much know that going really far away in space is a time consuming task. So what if going smaller is the answer. If there are dimensions tucked around these little fellows, then they've got to have some manner of effect on us. 5th dimension, man! SHOUTS THE HIPPIE! as he melts into his couch.

It's gotta be quicker to go down than it is to go up. Someone needs to write a screenplay where a guy's dad goes to the basement and comes back 90 years old an instant later. There's something to it, I say. By gum.

And in conclusion, piracy will level itself off. Enough people will ALWAYS pay to support the stuff that's good. But there will always be enough theives out there to keep the executives honest. So, I say, STEAL FROM WAL-MART! Take them for all they're worth. Go down to your local branch of MCI and take an office chair. Dump your garbage in Waste Management's yard. The more loss you hand them, the more salary cuts the executives will need to take. If they fire the lower guys, rise up and stomp their heads in. You're unionized. Get it done!

And in closing, I need really cool cars. Someone in Oakland contact me about your bad ass car.