The Continuing Story of Harold Foundary's Humongous Ass Inc.
And then, in a time of great chaos and trepidation, did Harold bring forth unto his lord and
servant: Roy. And his lord did say that it was good. And Harold was bonded to Roy, in the sight of his
master. And Roy was bonded to harold in the sight of his lord. And it was good. Lo, as they spaketh unto each other,
they did discover a likeness to linking amongst their minds, many though they were. And it was spoken little, as the pair (now
a oneness) did discover the method through which they might communicate wiuthout their master and loird hearing them. And it was good.
-The Book of Humongous, Appendice III
Roy Roy, the Jelly Boy, and Harold Foundary became fast friends. They developed a kinship; a bonding
that cannot be fully understood by mere mortals with silent asses. Harold and Roy were almost One.
A single entity moving and thinking in solidarity. Harold obliged Roy by not sitting down and not
allowing himself to be sodomized. Roy obliged Harold by providing extreme bouyancy and a uniquely shaped
lower body.
Very little changed for Harold: he continued running his smalltime ball-bearing manufacturing plant,
and managing the town of Puddleby's finances. He went about his life as if nothing was different.
Roy, on the other hand, had a tough time adjusting. For a start, he no longer knew where he was nor where he was going.
Instead, he always knew where he had been. He could see only the road behind him. In the begining, Roy found this
to be a source of nervous tension. Harold constantly assured Roy that he wouldn't run into anything, and would avoid the bad neighborhoods,
few though they were in the quiet town of Puddleby. But Roy felt a sense of powerlesness stemming from his inability
to see the road ahead.
Roy was likened to a baby. Harold had to take care of
almost all of Roy's bodily functions, in fact. Roy could no longer wash himself, go to the bathroom alone,
or even pleasure himself. His sex organs were nowhere to be found: most likely a part of the gelatenous goo that
made up the remenants of his body. Roy would awaken in the middle of the night and scream
as if pursued by demons. Harold hired an in-house nurse to help manage the difficult task of keeping Roy
happy, healthy, and silent.
One day, while Harold was in a particularly important business meeting, Roy nodded off into a trance-like sleep.
The warm air wafting from Harold's groin combined with the soft cotton undergarments he had taken to wearing
provided a quiet environment in which Roy could get some hardcore sack time. Harold, who was at the time in the middle
of a rather lengthy presentation on the benefits of his ball bearings versus those that were produced
in Germany, didn't notice Roy's slumber at all. With this information firmly in mind, it helps to bring understanding
as to why Harold didn't think twice about slamming his yearly reports on the conference room tables. The resounding "Thwack"
echoed off of the small room's walls and equated the decible level of a gunshot.
Roy screamed awake. He cried out for his mother, and wailed a deafening tone that sent all four representatives of Westlake
Steel and Aluminum running from the room covering their ears and cursing. Harold was left alone with Roy, and without Westlake's ball bearing orders.
But Harold was ever patient. He never waivered in his support of Roy. He understood the magnitude of the
transition he was undergoing. He bought less constrictive underware. He slept on his stomache. Never
once did he even consider surgery as an escape route. He cared for Roy as if he were a son, or brother.
And Roy never left Harold's ass.
As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, Roy began to adjust to the passivity
of his new life. He began to enjoy watching the streets unfold behind him, and seeing the looks on
people's faces. They knew who he was. He was a part of the Puddleby's most beloved citizen. Harold had
glass bottom pants made specially in Italy, and wore them 5 days a week. The other days, he wore kafkans or kilts.
Harold wasn't Scottish, but it didn't matter. he'd learn to be Scottish. It made Roy more comfortable. And that
was all that mattered.
And then, Roy and Harold had a thought. Simultaneously. A collective fruit of their collective bodies. Their
symbiotic minds birthed forth unto the Earth a new idea which would shape their futures and make for them, a new
existence and build the name Harold Foundary into the biggest and most famous name in
Screaming Ass Pants