Fan fiction usually sucks. But this piece doesn't.
The smooth serpentine ship landed quietly outside the small double-wide Nanacoke home. As the steel grey door slid open to reveal the hue of the ship's inhabitants, a slight tinge of green coated the back of the house. This tinge, as it turns out, was not from the ship, but rather from the Jerry Springer show, which was currently dancing along the small vacuum tube box at the center of the area within the home known to its inhabitants as the "living room."
Primordeal Ruler Kazbang motioned slowly towards the home and then slipped out of sight as his waiting minions, Pusher and Shover, headed towards the domacile obediantly.
"We are the space robots." They crooned with glee, a long night of fun ahead of them.
Just as the door to the sleek craft was closing, and as Pusher and Shover were aproaching the house, Primordeal Ruler Kazbang stuck his head out the doorway and shouted: "And don't forget to protect the humans from the terrible secret of space!"
"We are here to protect you from the terrible secret of space!" Pusher clicked mechanically. He was always keen to please Primordeal Ruler Kazbang, and this sickened Shover. Always with his little brown diodes up Primordeal Ruler Kazbang's little brown fizzledigee. Shover's arms began to powerup. When he saw that the space craft had now vanished from sight, he turned to Pusher.
"Shoving is the answer" Shover extended his powerful shoving apendages and toppled Pusher over onto his metalic back. Upon hearing the loud clang of metal hitting cement, Shover raised his arms and cried triumphantly "uNF!"
The rear exit of the building flew open and an older human of medium build appeared. He carried a long metal and wood tube in his hands. "Whut in the hell!?"
In unison, the robots responded "We are the space robots. We are here to protect you from the terrible secret of space." Pusher sneared at Shover as best he could, despite his distint lack of lips.
With a loud bang, the metal and wood contraption exploded at one end. Shover fell over backwards. Pusher clanged his steely hands together with glee and tilted his head back. "I must protect you from the terrible secret of space!" He snatched the weapon from the man's hands and folded it neatly in two. "We are here to protect you."
Shover climbed back onto his now unsteady legs. "We are the space robots." The engines inside Shover's shoulder sockets began to whirr and hum as his shoving mechanism clicked into full gear. "Do you have stairs in your house?
"Whut the hell?" The human's jaw slacked open, his eyes went in opposite directions for a moment as his brain tried to comprehend just what exactly was happening. After the brief moment of thought had passed, he turned tail and ran screaming back into his doublewide.
"I will push the human!" Pusher headed into the building after the meat-being. "I will protect the human from the terrible secret of space." Shover followed quickly behind, crowing metallicly "We are the space robots!"
Inside the house, the pair noticed that their robot numbers were now evenly matched by human numbers. An oversized human female lay sedately in her chair, eyes fixated upon the glowing vacuum tube contraption which humans spent so much time in front of. "I will protect the human. I will shove the human out of her chair."
Shover cranked his mechanisms into high gear and walked behind the female human. Steam began to spew from Shover's shoulder sockets, and he vibrated slightly with a rythmic hum. Then, he slammed his arms into the female's back. With a resunding "Whump" she fell forward onto the floor. When the steam cleared, she no longer moved. "The human has been protected from the terrible secret of space."
Pusher, eager not to be outdone by his compatriate, chased after the human male as he ran screaming from room to room. "We are here to protect you from the terrible secret of space. Pushing will protect you." Pusher's arms began to spew modicums of steam as he raised them to pushing level.
"Fwabap!" The human hit the wall outside of the "Living room" and stuck there for a moment. After a brief comedic pause, the now protected human corpse slid down the wallk leaving a red trail behind it. "This human is protected."
"We are here to protect you." The shiney pair of robots headed out the front door and down the street. Pusher would have been smiling, had he had lips. He had enjoyed his pushing and was anticipating much more. Shover's voice modulator quivered a bit.
All around them humans were screaming and running. A few appeared in their doorways with still more steel and wood contraptions, most of which made load noises. Shover was again knocked over as one of the humans apparently hit its mark. Pusher wanted to laugh, but that program had been removed from his CPU. Instead, he emmitted a loud "uNF!"
"Do you have stairs in your house?" Pusher asked a human who was now holding a bent and mangled metal and wood contraption. "Uh... y-y-yeah?" came the reply.
Pusher tapped his hands together happily.
On the other side of the street, Shover was chasing a young human female. "We are here to protect you from the terrible secret of space." The female, strangely enough, seemed ingracious of this kind offer. She ran down the road shouting obscenities and flailing her arms about her head. "Help me! Someone protect me from the space robots!"
Pusher's head whirled around on its axis. His arms, having successfully pushed the human male down three flights of stairs, clicked and hummed happily. With perfect mechanical precision, Pusher turned in place and descended the stairs. As he passed the human body which he had just protected, he reminded the lifeless husk "Pushing will protect you from the terrible secret of space."
Shover was having little luck in catching the young human female. His arms were already running at full power, and he was quickly tireing from extending them so far from his body. "Would you please go stand by the stairs?" his voice was a bit weak from his exertions.
Suddenly, Shover's eyes lit up with anger as he noticed that, up ahead in the road, Pusher was running towards him, arms extended and waiting to push the human female. "I will shove this human. I will protect her from the terrible secret of space."
Pusher responded, from down the road; "The Shover robot is malfunctioning. Pushing is the answer. Pushing will protect you from the terrible secret of space."
"Do not listen to the Pusher robot." Shover responded, attempting to clear up all this confusion. "Shoving is the answer. Shoving will protect you from the terrible secret of space."
The female stopped in her tracks and turned to Shover. "Just what is this terrible secret of space?"
Shover stopped, eyes fixed upon the human female, arms extended and ready to shove.
Pusher's legs ceased movement, and his arms fell to his sides.
Neither moved, but rather stood in place and computed the question. "Pushing will protect you from the terrible secret of space."
"No, do not listen to the Pusher robot..."
"Jesus! Shut up! What the hell is this terrible secret of space? Do you even know?"
Shover cocked his head to the side and looked at Pusher. Pusher shrugged, as much as a robot with extendable pushing arms could be expected to shrug. Shover turned to the young human female. "I will tell you the terrible secret of space. Please meet me over by the stairs."
"No."
Shover looked at Pusher, completely perplexed. After a moment, Pusher turned to the female, extended his arms, and pushed her into a nearby 4-wheeled vehicle.
"Pushing will protect you from the terrible secret of space."
After a few more hours of protecting the humans, Pusher and Shover met up back at the double-wide where they had arrived. "I will protect the humans from the terrible secret of space." Pusher had an elderly human in his arms.
Shover looked quizically at Pusher. Pusher noticed the querrying look and quiped "I will protect grandpa." He placed the old human male on the ground in front of him, cranked his arms back and...
The human was shoved to the ground before Pusher had a chance to unwind his springs. Pusher turned to shover, angered and frustrated; his arms still cocked and ready to fire.
Shover hit the ground quickly, and before he could raise himself to bipedal locomotion again, Pusher had set the old human male on his feet once again. The human moaned quietly to himself. "Pushing is the answer." Pusher cranked his arms back again. As he unlatched the safty mechanism, his arms flew towards the old man at phenominal speed.
As Pusher began reeling in his overextended arms, bits of the old human male were begining to slide down the wall of the prefabricated house.
Shover stood, let out a metallic sigh and spoke once more "All of these humans have been protected from the terrible secret of space. We are the space robots."
Pusher craned his head around, looking about the area and above himself and Shover.
"Where is Primordeal Ruler Kazbang?"
Shover shrugged. He was more successful at conveying a shrug than Pusher, whose arms and shoulders were slightly less articulate.
"We are here to protect the humans from the terrible secret of space. We are here to protect all the humans?"
Shover tapped his hands together with glee. "Shoving is the answer!"
"Pushing will protect the humans from the terrible secret of space."
The pair turned and headed back out the way that had come, arguing as they went.